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Posts Tagged ‘worst songs’

worst is a relative term

Contact Music has posted a list of worst songs ever.

1. Who Let The Dogs Out – Baha Men
2. Ice, Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice
3. She Bangs – Ricky Martin
4. Barbie Girl – Aqua
5. U Can’t Touch This – MC Hammer
6. I Am Woman – Helen Reddy
7. I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred
8. Ebony And Ivory – Paul McCartney And Stevie Wonder
9. Macarena – Los Del Rio
10. My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion

I totally take exception to MC Hammer being on the list. Everything else can stay.

In two cases, they got the artist right, wrong song. McCartney’s Let ‘Em In is an affront to every one of my senses. Well, most of his songs are, but that one is pure evil. And while I Am Woman is certainly repulsive, it’s not nearly as stomach churning as Reddy’s Angie, Baby.

Also missing (and yes, i am quoting my own previous blog posts in some places. sue me):

Christmas Shoes – I hate manipulative music. Especially when it concerns cloying little kids and dead mothers. This song makes me want to choke someone with a pair of cowboy boots.

Starship – We Built This City – Just because.

I Will Always Love You (Whitney style) – Every time I am forced to listen to this song in the supermarket, I have the sudden urge to throw cans of corn at random deli workers.

Paul Anka – You’re Having My Baby – “Hey babe? Thanks for not having an abortion!”

Darryl Worley – Have You Forgotten – Dude. He rhymes “forgotten” with bin Laden. I am not an unpatriotic person. But I know jingoism when I smell it. And this song smells BAD.

Meatloaf – Paradise By The Dashboard Light. The suckiest suck of the sucky songs that are constantly played on classic rock radio stations. Asscake with assfrosting eaten with an ass-spoon. My aversion to this song has become physical, I literally dry heave when I hear the opening notes.

Harry Chapin -Cats in the Cradle – Another emotionally manipulative songs that makes me break out in hives. You didn’t have time to play with your kid, but you had plenty of time to write a song about how you have no time for him.

John Mayer – Your Body is a Wonderland – One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue… What, are you sleeping with a ten year old?

Don McClean – American Pie – I know, hating this song makes me a commie. It’s too long, too intentionally obtuse in some parts. Nice if you’re on a slow moving acid trip, but minus drugs, it bores me to death.

The Doors – The End – the magnetic poetry of the Age of Aquarius.

Eagles – Hotel California – Hollywood people live in excess, that must be the theme of this song! No, wait, it’s about being stuck in a place you can’t get out of…no, it’s…hey, a guitar solo! Another long, drawn out, masturbatory guitar experience! Pass the bong!

Guns n Roses – November Rain – a Harlequin romance novel when all you want is Hunter Thompson. It’s GnR’s Beth.

Beatles – Hey Jude – “Hey, let’s make one of those arena songs, you know, the kind where the audience stands up and flics their Bics and sings along with you and we can keep it going for half an hour at least and then turn the house lights on at the end and no one will bitch about the show ending because they had a moment with us, you know wut I’m saying, luv?”

4 Non Blondes – What’s Up – I swear to god, if I ever see that chick in person I am going to full on punch her right in the crotch for forcing that shit upon me.

Gwen Stefani – Hollaback Girl – And if I ever meet her, I will shove a freaking banana so far up her ass, she will be saying “that shit is bananas” for the next week.

I’m getting violent about this, so it’s time to quit. Your turn.

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worst is a relative term

Contact Music has posted a list of worst songs ever.

1. Who Let The Dogs Out – Baha Men
2. Ice, Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice
3. She Bangs – Ricky Martin
4. Barbie Girl – Aqua
5. U Can’t Touch This – MC Hammer
6. I Am Woman – Helen Reddy
7. I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred
8. Ebony And Ivory – Paul McCartney And Stevie Wonder
9. Macarena – Los Del Rio
10. My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion

I totally take exception to MC Hammer being on the list. Everything else can stay.

In two cases, they got the artist right, wrong song. McCartney’s Let ‘Em In is an affront to every one of my senses. Well, most of his songs are, but that one is pure evil. And while I Am Woman is certainly repulsive, it’s not nearly as stomach churning as Reddy’s Angie, Baby.

Also missing (and yes, i am quoting my own previous blog posts in some places. sue me):

Christmas Shoes – I hate manipulative music. Especially when it concerns cloying little kids and dead mothers. This song makes me want to choke someone with a pair of cowboy boots.

Starship – We Built This City – Just because.

I Will Always Love You (Whitney style) – Every time I am forced to listen to this song in the supermarket, I have the sudden urge to throw cans of corn at random deli workers.

Paul Anka – You’re Having My Baby – “Hey babe? Thanks for not having an abortion!”

Darryl Worley – Have You Forgotten – Dude. He rhymes “forgotten” with bin Laden. I am not an unpatriotic person. But I know jingoism when I smell it. And this song smells BAD.

Meatloaf – Paradise By The Dashboard Light. The suckiest suck of the sucky songs that are constantly played on classic rock radio stations. Asscake with assfrosting eaten with an ass-spoon. My aversion to this song has become physical, I literally dry heave when I hear the opening notes.

Harry Chapin -Cats in the Cradle – Another emotionally manipulative songs that makes me break out in hives. You didn’t have time to play with your kid, but you had plenty of time to write a song about how you have no time for him.

John Mayer – Your Body is a Wonderland – One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue… What, are you sleeping with a ten year old?

Don McClean – American Pie – I know, hating this song makes me a commie. It’s too long, too intentionally obtuse in some parts. Nice if you’re on a slow moving acid trip, but minus drugs, it bores me to death.

The Doors – The End – the magnetic poetry of the Age of Aquarius.

Eagles – Hotel California – Hollywood people live in excess, that must be the theme of this song! No, wait, it’s about being stuck in a place you can’t get out of…no, it’s…hey, a guitar solo! Another long, drawn out, masturbatory guitar experience! Pass the bong!

Guns n Roses – November Rain – a Harlequin romance novel when all you want is Hunter Thompson. It’s GnR’s Beth.

Beatles – Hey Jude – “Hey, let’s make one of those arena songs, you know, the kind where the audience stands up and flics their Bics and sings along with you and we can keep it going for half an hour at least and then turn the house lights on at the end and no one will bitch about the show ending because they had a moment with us, you know wut I’m saying, luv?”

4 Non Blondes – What’s Up – I swear to god, if I ever see that chick in person I am going to full on punch her right in the crotch for forcing that shit upon me.

Gwen Stefani – Hollaback Girl – And if I ever meet her, I will shove a freaking banana so far up her ass, she will be saying “that shit is bananas” for the next week.

I’m getting violent about this, so it’s time to quit. Your turn.

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i’m hot, sticky sweet

“What we found was that when there was a large gap between felt and expressed emotion, music was liked less,” Dr Schubert said. “This is a new finding – no one’s ever actually used this scale before.”

They call it the Dag-o-Meter: “a discrepancy between the emotion expressed in a song and the emotion felt by the listener.”

My DAG-O-METER comes in at 100% on the following songs:

Christmas Shoes by some guy – that song is so skin-crawling I call it a “flesh eating song”. Lyrical manipulation at its most base level. Instead of making me want to give shoes to Jesus or adopt a homeless kid, it makes me want to punch a random person in the face. Twice.

Have You Forgotten by Darryl Worley – Dude. He rhymes “forgotten” with bin Laden. I am not an unpatriotic person. But I know jingoism when I smell it. And this song smells BAD.

Anything by Springsteen – I just cannot get behind his faux “working man” lyrics and his forced style of singing that sounds like he needs an economy size enema.

Having My Baby by Paul Anka. “Thanks for not having an abortion, honey!”

Paradise By The Dashboard Light by Meatloaf – We don’t really need to discuss this again, do we?

Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue… What, are you sleeping with a ten year old?

Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard – Sometimes you go years and years singing a favorite song, not even bothering to really listen to the lyrics or think about what you are singing. And one day, you will have a moment of clarity, maybe in your car in the 7-11 parking lot, singing out loud with the window open, when you’ll realize just how incredibly stupid a lyric “do you take sugar, one lump or two” is.

Note: this isn’t about bad lyrics, per se. It’s about the emotion the lyrics are supposed to convey and me just not getting it.

What about you? What songs make your Dag-o-Meter swing?

Update: Cullen calls BS on the study.

Uhh..yea. So do I. As I do with most studies. But they sure are fun to blog about.

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