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i ate this so you don’t have to

i ate them so you don't have to

If you ever thought to yourself “Gee, how good could a tamale bought in the frozen food section at Target be?”, wonder no more.

The answer is: not very.

Now, I’ve only had tamales twice before, both times at authentic Mexican restaurants, one of them where the owner/chef who learned how to make tamales from her great grandmother back in Mexico. They were so awesome, we got six more to go and ate them the rest of the weekend. You know what happens when you eat about five tamales over the course of two days? Just hope you have enough toilet paper and crossword puzzle books in the bathroom to get you through the aftermath. But they were worth it, man. I did learn my lesson and only ate one tamale in California.

About the Target tamales. I know what you’re thinking. Who the hell buys tamales at Target? And since when does Target have food? Well, our Target has this giant supermarket section. I don’t know if they all do. And I saw these tamales and I missed that cute little Mexican restaurant in Sacramento and I certainly wasn’t going to drive 40 minutes to here so I figured, what the hell. How bad can they be?

You know the answer. Pretty bad. The only thing about them resembling a real tamale was the corn husk, and I’m even questioning if that was real. The filling was a mess of melted cheese and chilies that tasted like three day old vanilla pudding licked off a leather couch where an old, sweaty drunk man laid down his back sweat.

Don’t ask how I know this.

Anyhow, if we didn’t already have sushi plans for tonight, I’d take the 40 minute drive to Fonda Coyoacan just to get some real tamales and wash the taste of drunk man sweat leather pudding out of my mouth.

I’m sure the wasabi will take care of that tonight, though.

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