Posts Tagged ‘stupid questions’

more answers to stupid questions

See here and here.

Staz asks: Why does my cat get so angry when I dress her up in an incredibly tight and constricting Harry Potter costume? I mean, cats love Halloween right?

Answer: Listen. I’m not going to tell you why she’s angry, because I think you know. All I’m going to say is that when your cat climbs on top of you in the middle of the night and sucks the breath out of you – the way cats are known to do – we’re going to call it just desserts. Putting animals in clothing is an offense to god, the world, life and everything in it. One day our pets are going to rise up and rebel against us for all the atrocities you dog and cat clothing people have foisted upon their species. What’s the plural of species? And no offense, Faith. I love you and Boris is cute and all, but…..when the revolution comes, you will be first.

Turtle (aka Todd) asks: What’s for dinner?

Answer: Well, you asked that yesterday so it would be silly to answer “cheeseburgers” because you already ate, digested and crapped those out. To answer for today: whatever is available at the street fair. Which means a healthy dinner of sausage heroes, fried Oreos and candy apples.

Cullen asks: Is stupid really is as stupid does?

Also, is the love that you take really equal to the love that you make? What about entropy?

Answer: First question: No. Sometimes it is stupider. Second question: I used that Beatles quote as my senior quote in my high school yearbook. I wasn’t even a Beatles fan. But the song was on the radio when I was scrambling to get my quote in on time and it sounded like a pretty profound statement to me at the moment (yes, I was stoned), so there it was. When the yearbook came out, the stupid people I went to high school with, unable to see beyond the words “make” and “love,” thought the quote was a cryptic way of saying that I wanted to sex them up. So that pretty much answers the first question, again.

As for entropy, it depends on which form of entropy you mean. If you mean “A measure of the loss of information in a transmitted message,” then see the above paragraph.

Timmer asks: Why do you continue to obsess about zombies when vampires are clearly the superior undead creatures?

Vampires are never going to take over the world. It’s impossible. You can’t just fight at night, you have to fight during the day, too. Also, vampires tend to listen to too much Bauhaus or The Cure, whereas zombies tend to listen to death metal, which empowers them. Vampire sit around and cry about the futility of their lives and write poetry about blood and souls. Zombies eat brains and flesh and don’t waste their time on emotions and going to raves.

McGehee asks: Are the frozen toolbox sprockets really as good as the fresh fanblade-wax shavings?

This is a sexual question, isn’t it? Something about Mr. Spacely getting a Brazilian wax? You’re a sick puppy, McGehee.

Cullen, back for more, asks: Also, I MUST know who it was that put the bomp in the bomp sha bomp sha bomp, and who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?

I believe it was this guy.

That’s all for now. I will entertain more stupid questions, if you have them. Just don’t expect smart answers.

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