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Posts Tagged ‘rain’

seen on craigslist. or not.

Reply to:thisweathersucks@longislandiswet.com
Date: 2007-08-08, 8:51AM EDT

seeking guy named noah. last seen boarding huge ark with a bunch of pets and a couple of people. need him to swing by here and pick me up. will do anything for place on board ark, including but not limited to keeping your animals happy, if you know what i mean. i have an economy size bottle of Rain-X, two umbrellas and a mix CD of rainy day songs i can bring with me.

location: long island

  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 12345666

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if only that were coffee instead of bloody rain

We had a flash flood last night, which I have chosen to make more exciting by turning into a river of blood.

Because, really. A story about how the rains came down hard and fast and the drywell couldn’t drain the water fast enough and it all backed up outside, which caused it to flow under the door and into our computer room, and we had to mop it all up with towels and get everything to higher ground just isn’t all that fascinating. And it would elicit a ton of responses like “you call that a flood? Why, where I come from, that’s what we call a summer swim! You want to see a flood? Let me tell you about The Great Soaking of 78! 14 of our cows drowned that day….”

A river of blood washing over your street is much more interesting.

However, I am out of coffee this morning. Talk about disasters. I need FEMA in here, STAT. What does no coffee mean for you? It means I can’t come up with a decent story about how that river of blood got there. And it means I have to leave for work a bit early so I can stop at Dunkin Donuts and have them stick me with an IV of caffeine.

Well damn, I don’t have a list ready for today. Guess I’ll have to post one tonight. Got any good list ideas?

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