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princess di is wearing a new dress

I had forgotten all about the Diana anniversary thing (holy hell, ten years?) until I hit Marc’s page. Hopefully, that will still be up there when you click.

Is Diana’s death one of those “where were you moments” in world history? I have to say, I didn’t really care much about her alive and I don’t care all that much about her dead. I mean, it’s not like she ever did anything for me. Maybe she kissed some babies and talked about poverty or whatever, but in my eyes, all she was doing was trying to steal Mother Theresa’s thunder. Too bad Mother Theresa would never try to live the rock star lifestyle while attempting to maintain her dignity. I KNOW MOTHER THERESA AND YOU ARE NO MOTHER THERESA, DIANA!

Sorry.

But I do remember where I was, only because it was my first glimpse of the power of the internet. I had only gotten online (AOL, thank you) a month or two before, and I was still in awe of the things you could do with your computer. Oh, the games you could play! The stories you could read! The animated gifs you could have a seizure to! The strangers you could meet! It was a vast, new world inside that 32k ram computer and I wanted to seize it all.

So I hung out in AOL chat rooms. Yes, I made the best use of my new found toy. Others were figuring out how to turn the intertubes into money. Some were developing web tools that would take us even farther down that information highway. Me, I was guessing movie by quote or guessing song by lyric or looking for lonely housewives who wanted a threesome with a truck driver and a waitress in Topeka, Kansas. For shits and giggles, of course. I was the truck driver. The waitress was my girlfriend. Flo.

Anyhow, I was sitting in Movie Quote Trivia, trying to remember where the quote “Come on sing everyone! Sing or I’ll go home and kill all your mommies,” came from when someone burst into the room (you did that simply by entering the room, then typing in all caps right away, without waiting for the standard {{{{{{{{{{welcome}}}}}}}} hugs) and started blathering about Diana being dead or maybe dead or possibly maimed or really, really, really dead.

My world stopped for about ten seconds. Then I remembered the quote was from Dirty Harry and typed that in and waited for my kudos. But everyone was too busy being in shock over the death of the princess to care. I went to a couple of other chat rooms, but they were all talking about the same thing. Even in “Male4Male Oregon,” they stopped talking about glory holes and started talking about the glory of Diana.

I spent the next hour or so checking every news site, all my favorite websites, chat rooms and forums and not only had the news of her death spread at an alarming rate, but the conspiracy theories spread even faster. The CIA killed her. Prince Charles hired a hitman. She was really driving. Aliens. Communists. Canadians. Mother Theresa. A secret Vatican plot that had something to do with the antichrist and a flock of crows at midnight.

Man, I thought. The internet is neato! We can spread lies and disinformation faster than ever before! Poor Diana! Her image would be forever tarnished by the fact that rumors, by the laws of physics and all, move at a faster rate of speed than truth. And with the power of a whole lot of 56k modems and America Online, Diana’s virginal image would go down within seconds.

So I logged into the brand new RIP Diana chat room and told everyone that Castro did it. He didn’t want anyone to find out about their torrid affair, especially that night in Havana. Let’s just say Clinton isn’t the only world leader to know a thing or two about cigars being more than cigars.

What was my point here? Oh, yea. Diana may have died tragically, but out of the ashes of her fiery death came Sir Elton John’s poignant singing of Candle in the Wind. And really, would the world ever be the same again? No, I think not. Rest assured, Diana did not die in vain.

Wait, the point was about discovering the power of the internet through the death of the princess. Or was it about discovering that posing as a truck driver just passing through Oregon and looking for some “fun” can lead to a very large phone bill and a broken heart?

Either way, RIP Mother Theresa.

I mean, Diana.

*this post is dedicated to Marc, the most profound of all Princess Di aficionados.

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