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Posts Tagged ‘led zeppelin’

reunited and it feels so good

I’m surprised at how completely uninterested I am in the Led Zeppelin reunion. Something about an almost 60 year old Robert Plant crooning “squeeze my lemon til the juice runs down my leg” unnerves me.

That said, there are tons of bands I would like to see reunited. Faith No More, of course, even for just one show.

Ah yes, there’s a question of the day here!

What band would you like to see reunited – not on a permanent basis (there’s a reason bands break up), but for one show (which you attend, of course) AND death is not a barrier here. You may bring back John and George if you wish. But just for one day, then they have to go back to that great gig in the sky.

Oh, for a Pink Floyd reunion….

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It’s almost Labor Day weekend, which means a million classic radio stations across the country will have some kind of “your favorite songs of all time” countdown. Over the years, these countdowns have become so predictable, I’m pretty sure they no longer count your yearly votes on the tunes and just use the same final list they have for the past 10 years or so.

The only thing worse than having Stairway to Heaven finish first every year is when something new like Linkin Park makes it into the top 20.

The following is my list of “Greatest” Songs Of All Time That Really Aren’t That Great. In my opinion, of course. Which may not mean a whole lot to you, but it’s all I got.

1. Led Zeppelin – Stairway to Heaven.
I used to think this was the greatest song ever written. It was only years later that I realized the words probably mean nothing except that Robert Plant read a lot of books. He strung some thoughts and words from his favorite novels together, mixed them in a blender and called it Stairway to Heaven.

The problem here is also that Zep inadvertently invented a formula for overrated songs: Some cryptic lyrics about five stanzas too long, followed by a guitar solo that makes one envision the guitarist standing on top of a mountain, wind blowing through his hair while his screeching riffs conjure up all kinds of inclement weather because it’s that good. And don’t get me wrong. I love Zep. But Stairway makes me cringe. Maybe I’m just embarrassed that I used to believe this song meant something profound. I also used to believe that you could see the Statue of Liberty in the reflection of a lake on Bear Mountain, but both those beliefs were born of the same drug.

2. Don McLean – American Pie
It’s long. It gets tedious after a while. And most of it makes no sense to anyone but Don McLean. Yes, I get the whole “the day the music died” thing and I think it’s really nice that he was so touched he wrote a song about it, and I get the allusions to other bands of the time within the song.

But maybe he could have cut about ten verses or so. I mean, it’s great when you’re 17 and stoned and sitting around a campfire at the beach and your friend has an out of tune acoustic guitar and starts strumming and you all start singing “bye, bye, miss American pie….” but, come on. It’s just too god damn long. By the time the last verse came around, I was always halfway down the other end of the beach, looking for a private place to pee.

3. Lynyrd Skynyrd – Freebird
So I spent a good portion of my high school years yelling “FREEEBIRD!” and playing air guitar to this song. Most people my age did. It’s just what we did. You drank beer, hung out in arena parking lots before concerts and talked about what a fantastic song Freebird is, man. With a straight face. And you had to listen to the live version, so you can hear the “What song is it you want to hear?” and also the part where he says “How ’bout you?” because man, he was talking to ME.

I’ll let my 14 year old son give you the review of Freebird from the point of view of today: “Yea, the guitar solo is ok, kinda cool, but the rest of the song blows. It’s like he’s having sex with his guitar.” I think he probably picked that up from the Guitar World message boards, but I’ll let it stand on record.

4. Eagles – Hotel California
Do you see a trend here? Maybe I just don’t like long songs. This is another one of those “rock musicians gone poetically awry” songs, in which a lyricist believes he is not just a writer of catchy rock songs, but a poet as well. A poet who likes to fill his lyrics with allegories. Dark, mysterious, cryptic lyrics that will, thirty years down the road, still be the subject of “what do you think it means” conversations. Who cares? This song is BORING. It’s like watching a horrible movie with false endings, where you keep shifting in your seat thinking, ok, credits are going to roll right………now! But no, they cut to yet another drawn out, badly acted scene, maybe one in which there are mirrors on the ceiling and pink champagne on ice. Oh, yes, how Hollywood people live in excess, that must be the theme of this song! No, wait, it’s about being stuck in a place you can’t get out of…no, it’s…hey, a guitar solo! Another long, drawn out, masturbatory guitar experience! Pass the bong!

5. Guns N Roses – November Rain
November Rain (and here I’m going to include the video with the song) is a Harlequin romance novel when all you want is Hunter Thompson. It’s GnR’s Beth. Remember Beth? How much did you want to puke every time that song came on the radio? Sex! Drugs! Rock and Roll! Love Ballads!

Err…NO. Many people call this song the greatest love song of the 90’s, but holy schmaltz, Batman. Is an 8 minute, 53 second heartbreaking love song accompanied by an equally heartbreaking video really what you want out of your depraved metal band? What happened to “I used to love her, but now I have to kill her?” Man up, Axl! Eh. Too late for that.

7. The Beatles – Hey Jude
I’m not saying it’s a bad song, musically. The thing is, the song is seven minutes and seven seconds long and I think seven full minutes of it is the Beatles singing “Na na na na na ,na na na, hey jude..” which makes me thing that Paul and John got together and said “Hey, let’s make one of those arena songs, you know, the kind where the audience stands up and flics their Bics and sings along with you and we can keep it going for half an hour at least and then turn the house lights on at the end and no one will bitch about the show ending because they had a moment with us, you know wut I’m saying, luv?” Ok, so it was 1968 and the cigarette lighter arena show hadn’t been invented yet, but everyone knows that McCartney and Lennon were ahead of their time.

8. Bruce Springsteen – Born to Run in the USA in his Glory Days
Yea, all of them. All of him. And I’ll be honest and tell you right off the bat that I have a personal, visceral hatred for Springsteen that goes beyond the usual “oh he sucks” kind of hate. But there’s also that other kind of hatred where you listen to a band/artist and think to yourself “Why? Why, god, why?” And then you remember you don’t believe in god and people like Springsteen becoming world class heroes is part of the reason why.

Anyhow. I can’t stand his strained voice. I can’t stand his underbite and the way he grimaces when he sings. I can’t stand the oh so meaningful lyrics about life as a down and out Jersey cowboy (wait, I think that’s Bon Jovi). Every song reads like the same Joyce Carol Oats short story. “Me and Janie went down to the boardwalk to talk about our lives and well, the boardwalk was kinda empty because this town is just dyin’, man and me and Janie said like, yea, we gotta get out of here. This town is just gonna kill us man. We can’t spend all our lives drag racin’ and fuckin’ and takin’ long walks on the beach contemplatin’ shit. And Janie’s pregnant, man and her old man is gonna kick her out of the house for not lovin’ Jesus enough and her momma done spent all the milk money gamblin’ in Atlantic City and we just work hard, you know? We work hard, man. We put on our blue jeans and work boots and go to the factories and mills and we work our fingers to the bone and we got nuthin’ to show for it ‘cept teenage pregnancy and drug overdoses and depressed kids with nothin’ to do and the streets are on fire baby. Let’s make out.”

9. The Doors – The End
The End is probably the most quoted Doors song of all time. It’s quoted by pretentious potheads who think they are being deep and meaningful; by retro beatnik poets who carry tattered paperback copies of On the Road in the back pocket of their faded jeans; by psuedo-intellectuals who claim that Adlous Huxley’s Doors of Perception is the single greatest thing ever written by man; and by despondent, razor-wielding, confused, emotional teenagers who think they have this connection with Morrison, a connection with the sixties, man and hey, the blue bus is calling us (yes, I was one of those once).

Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake…he’s old, and his skin is cold

Do you know that otherwise intelligent people have spent entire weekends drinking vodka and deciphering those very lyrics? Here’s a news flash:

It’s nonsense. No matter what you want to believe, no matter how allegorical and deep you think those words are, no matter how much Freud you studied or Night Train you drank, those words are the magnetic poetry of the Age of Aquarius.

So, yea. The killer awoke before dawn and put his boots on and killed his mother. Or did he fuck her? Ohhh, the mystery! Fistfights have broken out over whether he fucked or killed her. Will we ever know? Of course not, because Morrison, realizing that he was nothing more than a sham, a bad poet and a bloated parody of his own idols, killed himself before he could tell us that, well, he had no fucking clue what he was saying there. He ad libbed it. Winged it. Made it up as he was going along.

I’m not saying the Doors sucked in general. I was a big fan and I still dust off the albums once in a while. But if you’re over 18 and not hindered by drug addiction or alcoholism that may cloud your thinking and you still believe these words are the most powerful thing you ever heard, you might want to find the nearest bathtub and emulate your idol.

10. Pink Floyd – Another Brick in the Wall
If you know me, you know I’m a huge PF fan. But come on. Even I can admit that the entirety of The Wall, not just this song, is kind of overrated. There’s a whole “what the hell were they thinking” aspect to the album, most notably the disco background of Another Brick in the Wall. The whole song is tedious – it’s as if their goal was to come up with an anthem that the kiddies would sing along to, that would resonate with them and make them believe that this album was about them, too. “We don’t need no education” was the Pied Piper line of The Wall. It suckered in millions of teens and young adults who shouted along with the lines and bopped their heads to the rhythm and never gave thought (at least not until their later years) to the fact that Waters and company were pounding out the disco beats (also on Run Like Hell and Young Lust, which makes the “dirty woman” line feel somehow justifiable) just a year after disco was declared dead. Was he being ironic? Was the whole album ironic? Who knows. The message sort of got muddled in between the Oedipal odes and the admonishment of eating your whole meal before you have dessert.

Well, this was a nice respite from writing about my favorite songs. Agree with me or fight me. Either one is fine. But I know you have your own to add here. Go for it.

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One of the best things about doing this list is the new music I’ve been discovering. If anyone suggests a band or artist I never heard, I go find some of their music and check it out. By the time the list nears the halfway point, I should have listened to enough of these artists to include them in the rest of the list. So thanks to all who have shared some obscure (to me) band names.

I’m surprised at the lack of classic rock bands mentioned. It wasn’t until today that someone said Led Zeppelin and we finally got some Pink Floyd and The Who on the list. The object here is not to stump me – it’s to help me. So while I appreciate the unfamiliar band mentions, I also would like to see more classic rock and punk bands thrown in here. And if you think your Abba is going to scare me, you have never seen me lip synch to Fernando.

Now let’s get tonight’s list going.

15. Van Halen – Eruption/You Really Got Me
VH has been one of my favorite bands for a long time. I’ve ranted enough in all my various blog endeavors about the REAL Van Halen and how the band, in my mind, does not exist without David Lee Roth. So I won’t go into that again.

The best thing about VH, and why I still love them after all these years, is that I bonded with my kid through VH1. He plays a pretty mean guitar and when he started obsessing about guitar playing for real (gee, wonder where he gets the obsessive trait from?), he raided my CD collection for all the classic rock. And thus the hero worship of Eddie Van Halen began.

One day we were in Guitar Center and my son sat down to try out a new guitar. He picked up a Fender, plugged it in and started playing Eruption. There were about six or seven other people in the store all playing (Smoke on the Water, mostly) and they all stopped. Everyone who worked there stopped what they were doing. Everyone shopping stopped what they were doing. My kid played Eruption flawlessly and the place broke out in applause when he was done. Yea, I know, some of you will say it’s easier to play than it sounds. But come on, the kid was 10 at the time.

Anyhow, this song is a reminder for me of the days when my son and I got along all the time and listened to music together. Before he turned into a teenager. You Really Got Me is there just because you can’t have one without the other. (suggested by Scoldy, who says she is resembling Jabba the Hut these days)

16. Led Zeppelin – Trampled Underfoot
THE band of my youth. From when I was little kid stealing my cousin’s records right up until they released In Through The Out Door in 1978 and I broke up with them. I obsessed about Robert Plant, I wanted to be Jimmy Page, I admired the hell out of John Paul Jones (I always thought bass players are the backbone of a band) and well, no one ever cares about the drummer. But this song. There was a jukebox in the pinball place I hung out in, and it had nothing but Led Zeppelin and Creedence Clearwater Revival. I used to bring extra quarters just to play Trampled Underfoot as many times as I could without pissing off the bikers who wanted to hear Fortunate Son 700 times. You don’t piss off bikers with pool cues. Every time I hear this song, I can smell cigarettes, pot and biker sweat as if it were 1976 and I was about to drop some quarters in the Bally Wizard. (suggested by jwl)

17. Neil Young – Like a Hurricane
I’m going to start having flashbacks if I keep this up. Maryanne was my best friend in high school and a HUGE Neil Young fan. We all liked the guy well enough, but Maryanne was obsessive. But, she had the cool basement and no parental supervision, so when she wanted to listen to Neil Young, we listened. I tolerated this album only for this tune. This song is a trip. It was so easy to let it carry you away. I used to sit there in the dark (except for the black lights, of course) and get so into the music that I’d forget where I was. It was like going down a highway in a speeding car, not knowing where you were going or who was driving but just cruising along anyhow. There are some songs that I just won’t be able to adequately describe why they hit me the way they do. Guess this is one of them. (suggested by DK)

18. Pink Floyd – Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Parts VI-IX)
Most of our time in Maryanne’s basement was spent chemically altering our minds, listening to Pink Floyd and thinking that we could find the answer to life, the universe and everything in the lyrics. It was pretty hard to choose a song here. One of These Days? A DSOTM song? Pigs (three different ones)? Piss off all the PF purists and choose Learning to Fly? In the end I had to go with this one. All these years later, without benefit of any chemical substance, I can still get completely lost in this song and end up in some space where there is nothing but me, the music and the answer to life, the universe and everything. (scoldy again)

That’s enough for this evening. As always, I welcome more band/artist suggestions. And I’m wondering how long this is going to take to get to 300. A month? Two?

See here for explanation of this and previous songs.
Leave suggestions here.

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cock blocking the rock block

This has been bothering me since I was about ten years old. I need to get it off my chest.

It’s not a BIG thing, it’s not a life-affecting thing. It’s just a…thing.

cornell.jpgK-Rock is having one of those rock block parties this weekend. Three songs in a row by your favorite artist! WOW! Ok, so I am easily excited. And yes, I still listen to the old fashioned kind of radio. The kind you don’t have to pay for. Which sucked a bit for the past year or so (I had XM before that, but the XM thingie broke and I never got it fixed and I felt vaguely guilty for paying 200 dollars a year to listen to music that I had in my CD collection anyhow), as the only two rock stations in New York played a daily combination of Stairway to Heaven and Freebird. But K-Rock switched from talk back to rock two weeks ago, so I put my mix CDs away and decided to enjoy free radio again. Which is nice, except for when they play Nickelback.

Anyhow. The rock block party thing.

This is something every radio station that does block parties takes part in. The Cheat. Yesterday, they played Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun. I thought, kick ass, two more Soundgarden songs coming up! But no. No. My hopes from something off Badmotorfinger were dashed when they played Say Hello To Heaven. Which is not a Soundgarden song. It’s a Temple of the Dog song. Which has Chris Cornell in common with Soundgarden, but it is NOT Soundgarden.

Following me here?

I consider that cheating. And lazy. I mean, if you wanted to do a Chris Cornell block, you should play three Chris Cornell solo songs. And nobody wants to hear that shit. Playing Soundgarden, TotD and Audioslave is not a rock block of any kind in my mind. It would be like playing a Led Zeppelin block but including something from The Firm and something from the Honeydrippers. Who the hell wants that? No one I know.

I told you this wasn’t a big thing. But I’ve been holding this rant in for thirty years. Well, I’ve said it out loud, but to myself in the car while I’m pointing at the radio and throwing in some colorful words to describe the lazy ass DJ. I just thought I’d share.

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