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what a difference four years makes

Talk about extremes.

Four years ago I was non stop blogging about the election, full of piss and vinegar and frothing with a near-manic zealousness. I had a press pass to the RNC, and was running Command Post at full election steam.

Four years later, don’t even know when the RNC is. I know the DNC is this week, simply because I’ve been blog reading.

It’s not that I don’t care, of course I care about the future of our country. But I am so down on both of our choices for president that I’ve almost put my head in the sand about the whole thing. It all reminds me of the 2000 election when I threw up my hands and voted for Nader.

There were quite a few things that led me to be so uninvolved as opposed to 2004: removing myself from the political/news blogging world; an effort to do away with things that were causing negativity in my life, which included reading/watching the news nearly 24 hours a day; regaining my sanity and thus control of my life, and just not having the time to devote myself to all election, all the time.

The distance I have removed myself from the election worries me a bit, as I never want to be one of those people who just don’t care. I care, I really do. But I can not muster up enough emotion about either candidate to get out there and be a cheerleader for either one.

Four years ago, it was a party line election. Democrats were clinging to their candidate, Republicans to theirs. Four years later, it’s not that way at all. A lot of people I talk to don’t feel like either party is offering them anything to be gung-ho about right now.

Four years ago, I was sure of what I stood for. I might have imagined violence upon anyone who didn’t agree with me, I was so sure I was right. Four years later, I feel like I was wrong about everything, including my attitude. And if I had to choose one of these candidates as an example of what I stand for, I couldn’t.

Four years ago I had no fear about our future. I had no worries that who we were choosing to run this country would do the best for us. Four years later, I can only laugh at my naivety and wonder where the hell my head was at. And then look at what we have in front of us and know that there are very few people who feel so sure about their candidate. In fact, I know more people who still don’t know who they are voting for than people who do. Four years later, I am unsure about the future of this country. I am worried about everything from the war to the economy to the safety of our infrastructures.

Is it because our choices are different, I’m different, the world is different or a combination of everything?

Four years ago, I felt a strong divide in this country, between left and right. I felt like something was happening, something not very good, like we were on the brink of a civil war.

Four years later, I feel a strong divide in this country, but it’s no longer between left and right. It’s between the people and the government. I see Democrats and Republicans sitting down together discussing their worries and fears. I see a common thread of disenchantment in the conversations of both left and right. Have we finally gained a middle ground between the two, based on discontent? Are we on the brink of something?

Four years ago, I would have further looked into this, engaged people in conversation about it, used my post 9/11 anger and rage to work myself up into a frenzy of activism. Four years later, my attitude is “it is what it is” and “it will be what it will be.” The anger and rage are gone. The misplaced passion has been put to better use, and my arrogance has been squashed.

Four years ago, I was a registered Republican. Four years later, I am Independent. And completely unsure of who deserves my vote.

Where’s Ross Perot and his pie charts when you need him?

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