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Archive for April, 2008

because i must be on crack

I started yet another new photography project, in addition to the 365 songs and photos project: The Queens of the Stone Age discography in photographs (for lack of a more creative name).

It is my goal (though I have set no time limit) to represent every QOTSA song in a photograph.

When the voices in my head speak to me about new projects at 3am, I should really ignore them.

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visiting the 64 world’s fair

Saturday, we took a spontaneous trip to Flushing Meadows Park in Queens, site of the 1964 World’s Fair. I hadn’t been there since my aunt took me to the fair when I was two. Wish I could remember it.

What remains standing is the pavilion and the Unisphere, both of which can be seen from the Grand Central Parkway. I loved the run down feel of the pavilion, standing under it, looking at the rust and peeled paint and the vines crawling over it, you can almost feel the ghostly presence of the past, imagining the millions of people walking through it, looking at displays of the world of tomorrow (the pavilion was actually called the Tent of Tomorrow).

Hailing itself as a “Universal and International” exposition, the Fair’s theme was “Peace Through Understanding,” dedicated to “Man’s Achievement on a Shrinking Globe in an Expanding Universe. (wiki)”

That sounds like the title of an album by some indie band.

Here’s a video of what the fair actually looked like. And a slideshow. And a really neat home movie. A site dedicated to the 64 fair.

And how the fair looks today, through my eyes.

science fiction double feature edge of the world observatory he's got the whole world in his hands uprust (for susan) vines and vividness i have come for your women! home is where the rust is on top of the world the long walk creeping radiation don't let's start rocket thrower sculpted

the world is yours (365-175)

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visiting the 64 world’s fair

Saturday, we took a spontaneous trip to Flushing Meadows Park in Queens, site of the 1964 World’s Fair. I hadn’t been there since my aunt took me to the fair when I was two. Wish I could remember it.

What remains standing is the pavilion and the Unisphere, both of which can be seen from the Grand Central Parkway. I loved the run down feel of the pavilion, standing under it, looking at the rust and peeled paint and the vines crawling over it, you can almost feel the ghostly presence of the past, imagining the millions of people walking through it, looking at displays of the world of tomorrow (the pavilion was actually called the Tent of Tomorrow).

Hailing itself as a “Universal and International” exposition, the Fair’s theme was “Peace Through Understanding,” dedicated to “Man’s Achievement on a Shrinking Globe in an Expanding Universe. (wiki)”

That sounds like the title of an album by some indie band.

Here’s a video of what the fair actually looked like. And a slideshow. And a really neat home movie. A site dedicated to the 64 fair.

And how the fair looks today, through my eyes.

science fiction double feature edge of the world observatory he's got the whole world in his hands uprust (for susan) vines and vividness i have come for your women! home is where the rust is on top of the world the long walk creeping radiation don't let's start rocket thrower sculpted

the world is yours (365-175)

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dear britney…

dear britney...

I found this while looking for something else. It’s from 1999, when DJ was six years old and absolutely in love with Britney Spears.

I think if he wrote fan letters now they would run more toward Sean Avery or A-Rod, not insane pop stars.

He’s going to kill me if he sees this, but I don’t care. What’s a little public ridicule from your mother in return for all the teenage boy angst he has made me suffer through?

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is that a poem in your pocket?

poem in my pocket

Thank you to Dani for reminding me that April is National Poetry Month and today, New York City marks the 6th annual Poem in Your Pocket Day in honor of that.

It didn’t take me long to pick the poem I would carry around today. Perhaps this is a bit of a cliched pick, but this poem has always meant a lot to me and I’ve repeated the last stanza – especially the last two lines – to myself many times when I was feeling beaten down. I used to recite these words with the hope that I could make myself believe them about myself. Now I can read this poem with conviction. I don’t know that I will read it aloud to anyone during the day, though I do have tentative plans to escape the office at lunchtime and drive to the local park for some picture taking. I can almost imagine myself standing in the middle of the park, on a soapbox, reciting this poem in dramatic fashion.

Hah, not really. Maybe I’ll just make copies and pass them out to people who look like they would appreciate it.

What poem will you carry in your pocket today?

Invictus
by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

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placeholders

Just wanted to scroll that last post down, so here’s some pictures.

Meantime, thinking of writing again. Miss it a bit.

the best thing about new york city is you and me (365-147)

flatiron

i walked down to the beach

california painted sky

i just want to be me

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soar

soar (for my sister)

Tomorrow will be one year since my brother in law died. It’s one of those things where you say “I can’t believe it’s been a year already,” and in the same breath say “Wow, what a long year.”

I have a fixation with anniversary dates. My whole family does; maybe it’s a Catholic thing, maybe it’s an Italian thing. I don’t know. But we mark anniversaries, good or bad, on our calendars like the dates are supposed to have some magical meaning. Maybe in the case of wedding anniversaries, that’s fine. But in the case of death, we’re only marking the passage of time and, why?

Maybe I know. I think my sister has been waiting for this day just to put that first year behind her. All those first days without him – the birthdays, the holidays – were the most difficult and now that all of those have been marked off the calendar, will it get easier? I think it does. I think it already has for her, in many ways. She seems to breathe easier now, to not get caught up in tears at the mere mention of his name.

I think I need this anniversary as well. It’s been a year since I was traumatized (literally) by the events of that morning. It’s time to put that behind me and stop seeing it play out in my head at 3am, to stop asking myself what I could have done differently in the days and weeks and years before it had happened. Nothing. I know that know. I couldn’t have changed anything, no matter how much I would give to be able to do that, to make everything turn out differently.

I also think that part of the reason I keep the details of that morning in my head is this weird sense of guilt that my sister’s life fell apart just when mine was finally coming together. In many ways, this past year has been the best of my life. There have been so many positive changes, so much growth and freeing myself from things that held me down, and finding things that have lifted me up. It’s been, for me, a year of joy and happiness and this self-made guilt tugs at me, that I should live so joyously at the same time my sister was consumed with sadness. The fact that we share (different parts of) the same house makes it the harder. At first I didn’t want to let her see my happiness, as if I was gloating, which I was not.

But I realize a few things now. My sister needed to see that happiness. She needed a sense of joy around her. And she needs to see how someone can come from a dark, depressing place that felt like it was endless and see, and feel, the light at the end, and then walk into that light and live.

Today, we will all to to a mass for my brother in law, and then we’re going to brunch with my family and his family. It sounds like a celebration, and maybe it is. Maybe it’s a way of saying – a year ago we were gathered in sadness, and now let’s gather in peace and hope. We can laugh now, we can smile without feeling guilty, we can remember without breaking down, we can look for the light and fly into it, knowing that there’s so much ahead.

Lisa and Rob met when they were 17, and were together since then. That’s 20 years of a life with someone. You don’t just put that behind you and move on; he will always be a part of her, especially when they have an adorable son who has his father’s mischievous smile. But I do hope she can put mourning behind her, leave some of that sadness behind and enjoy the life before her. That’s all I want for my sister, is for her to feel some freedom, feel the wind at her back and look at the wide open space in front of her, and soar.

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