Archive for September, 2007

last house on the left

last house on the left

Today we bought the last piece of Spookytown. We just finished landscaping it and now, our Spookytown is done.

Tomorrow I’ll take a couple of pictures so you can get a feel of what the whole thing looks like finished. I don’t have a wide angle lens, so I’ll probably take a few pics and stitch them together. We’ll also be uploading a video of the town in action – all the lights and noises going. It’s pretty neat. Or rad, as Todd says.

When we put the video up, we’ll also be having a contest of sorts to go along with it. So stay tuned.

We’re kind of sad it’s done. Makes me start thinking about Christmas town……


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stupid answers

Because I don’t have internet access here, but I do receive comments by email and I can post by email, I’ll need to answer your stupid questions (see first post of today) in new posts. I’ll do a few at a time.
Solonor asks: Do these pants make me look fat?
Answer:  Yes. From the back, you might be mistaken for an elephant. And being that you live in Florida and I read an article today about some Florida police force purchasing elephant guns, you might want to rethink your wardrobe. From the front, you look like one of those people with a front butt. You know, like you have an ass where your stomach should be. I understand it’s the pants, and you’re not really that fat. Which just goes to show you that 45 year old men should not be trying to replicate the teenage baggy pants trend. And stop wearing SpongeBob boxers.
Turtle asks: Are you ever going to heed those subliminal messages I have been giving you?
Answer: Most men, when giving subliminal messages to their sleeping partner, would attempt things like “you will always give me control of the remote” or “every day will end with a blow job.” But no. You whisper to me about Sylvester Stallone and Little House on the Prairie. So now I’m walking around work saying “Who do you think would win in a fight, Rocky Balboa or Charles Ingalls?”  Actually, that’s a pretty stupid question in and of itself. I think you all need to answer that for ME.
Bill the Cat asks: Why can’t I stop freebasing Little Friskies!?!?! Ack! Ack!
Answer: I really wish I could link to an appropriate Bloom County strip here, but I can’t. Instead I’ll just tell you to switch to meth because the Friskies are making you smell like Britney Spears’s vagina.
Mel asks: 1-Why can’t I lose weight when all I eat are M&M’s (plain or dark chocolate, TYVM) and ice cream (even though it’s 1/2 fat)?

2-Why won’t Brett Favre ditch his wife and call me (you can substitute Petyon calling me for part B of stupid question #2)?
Answers: 1. You’re doing it wrong. If you’re going to go on a candy and ice cream diet,  you need to supplement it with a freebasing habit. I mean, look at how thin Bill the Cat is. Sure, he’s about one high away from a murder spree, but his ass is TIGHT. And he doesn’t look fat in those pants.
2. You know, I could make several football related sexual innuendos here. Something about going long or being a wide receiver….but I won’t.
Deacon asks: Do monkeys ever get Hepatitis from flinging their own poo?
Answer: No, they get their hepatitis from the dirty needles at the monkey tattoo parlor. Monkey poo actually has healing powers. Little known fact. See, these are the questions Lileks wouldn’t answer. That’s what separates me from him. Class.
David asks:  Is this the stupidest question that you have received today?
Answer. No. The stupidest question belongs to a co worker. We were discussing the events in Myanmar when I mentioned that my nephew’s country of origin (I explained that he was adopted at birth) is Myanmar. The co worker – an adult – said “Oh. Does he have a weird accent then?”  That will not be beat. There is no question any of you can come  up with that would be stupider. Yes, that is a challenge.
If you want to ask more stupid questions, please do so on the original post. 

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your questions of the day!

Well, I’m running a bit late today. So, something stupid. Literally.

Today, according to Lileks, is Ask A Stupid Question Day.

Go ahead. Ask. I’ll do my best to answer them all.

(I’m not really stealing his idea, I’m sharing it. I mean, he’s got seven million readers. I have 20. He’ll live).

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When I watched the news this morning and saw the Mets were doing the choke thing, I felt bad. And then I thought, man I must be getting soft in my old age. I feel sorry for the Mets? For their fans? What’s going on here?
Oh, I know. You Met fans don’t want my Yankee pity. But keep in mind that I kind of gave up on baseball and the Yankees this year. I said I would disown the Yanks if they brought back Roger Clemens and, being a woman of my word, I did just that. I still follow the team and the sport, I’m just not a raging fan like I used to be. That’s baseball in general, not just the Yankees.
I don’t know why I have this sudden soft spot for Mets fans. I guess I know what that choking feeling is like, so I can empathize. Maybe, since I’m not bleeding Yankee blue anymore, I just don’t care enough to gloat that Met fans are feeling miserable right now.
Yet, I still hate the Red Sox. I still hate 98% of Red Sox fans. So I’m not totally softening up. No matter how much respect and love I lose for baseball, I will still always harbor a deep hatred of sorts for all things Red Sox. It’s not the kind of hatred that gets you in trouble with your god. It’s just a sports hatred. Which is different. And expected. 
 When I read this week that the Red Sox Nation is actually going through the motions of electing a president of their “nation,” I just laughed (I wish I could provide a link here, but alas, I can not). Maybe a  year ago I would have went on a tirade about stupid sports fans mingling fantasy with reality in much the same way some people learn how to speak Klingon, but I just let it go. It’s just baseball. There was a time when I would punch someone in the face for talking shit on my team, but those days are long gone.
I’m all about hockey these days, anyhow. You guys can keep your fall fever and your magic number countdowns and all that. I’m ready to settle down for the season with pucks and sticks and maybe some fisticuffs.
It’s a bit disheartening to go into a season knowing that you won’t have much to cheer about, seeing that my Islanders are living in the city of Suckville yet again, but I’ll still be there. I have to. With a Ducks fan and a Ranger fan living in my house, someone has to carry the mantle of loveable loser. Someone has to defend the Islanders and cheer them on. Even ugly kids need love, too.
Speaking of ugly, I told Todd I’d give the NBA another chance. The caveat here is that I am going to be nice on his Sacramento Kings (I will never, ever root for the Knicks again). I must be a sucker for punishment. Or a really good girlfriend.
Oh, and as far as the Red Sox Nation’s search for a leader goes, may I throw in my suggestion?
Bucky Effin Dent.
 Of course.

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I know this is old hat, but I’m on a horror movie kick right now (part of my Halloween preparation) and it’s a good question:

What’s the scariest MOMENT from a horror movie? What scene made you jump out of your seat or cover your eyes? Which moment from a scary movie haunts your sleep to this day?

One of the best comes from a movie I really didn’t like all that much. Thing is, I like creepy more than I like scary. Gore and guts and blood and monsters popping out from nowhere may give me chills or make me jump out of my seat, but it’s the creepy things that stay with me and keep me from turning the lights off at night. While I get immense enjoyment from great horror films like Dead Alive or Evil Dead, it’s movies like Session 9 and Event Horizon that stay with me long after the credits roll and give me nightmares.

I did not enjoy Blair Witch Project. I thought it was long and drawn out and really boring in too many parts.blairwitch2.jpg I struggled to stay awake for most of the movie. Yet the film has one redeeming feature. It contains what, in my eyes, is one of the creepiest moments on film. The ending, where Michael is standing completely still and facing the corner. It was so unsettling, so unnerving that it made sitting through that entire movie worth it. I can’t even explain to you why I found it so creepy or why I saw that scene when I closed my eyes for many nights after I saw the movie or why I still get chills when I think about it. I think it was the ambiguity, the absence of any explanation, the total unknowing feel about it that gave me the creeps.


‘Salem’s Lot – Oh, you know which scene. Face in the window. My sister used to try to scare me by going around to my bedroom window and scratching on it. That’s a good way to get yourself killed. By my hands.

Friday the 13th/Carrie – I put these two together because they are almost the same scene, different circumstances. Jason popping out of the water and Carrie’s hand coming out of the grave are really almost pedestrian in their simplicity. But something went right with these scenes where it went wrong for thousands of other movies. Because I know I screamed out loud both times. And I rarely do that.

Event Horizon – The woman with the black holes for eyes. This is an evil, evil, evil movie. The kind of movie that gets into your brain and makes your imagination turn on you.

Jaws – We’re gonna need a bigger boat. Yea, I’m gonna need a change of pants.

The Shining – This movie wasn’t nearly as scary as the book. That said, the scene where Danny is riding down the hallway and meets up with the twins haunted me for a few nights.

– Does anyone besides me even remember this movie? It was a trilogy of scary stories. The one with the severed hand crawling around seeking revenge on the husband gave me nightmares. I was only ten at the time. What the hell was my mother thinking taking me to see that? Eh, I should probably thank her.

The Fly (original) – Holy shit. I think this was the first movie scene tothefly2.jpg ever really freak me out. I must have been about six or seven when I watched this with my mother. She was a huge Vincent Price fan and would make us watch all his movies when they were on tv (I think this was one of those “horror week” things on the WPIX 4:00 movie). When you see the human face on that fly and hear the tiny, pathetic “Help me!” – that’s damn terrifying to a little kid. For weeks after I would look in spider webs for human flies, just in case anyone was looking for help.

Trilogy of Terror – Is there anything more terrifying than a made for tv Karen Black movie? Yes. It’s when Karen Black meets up with an evil tribal doll. I’ll let the pictures do it justice here (I wrote about it already here).

Yea, I’ll be sleeping with the light on tonight.

So those are just a few of my favorite/most terrifying moments from horror movies. Let’s hear about yours.

Here’s the 100 scariest scenes at Retrocrush, to get your memory going.

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we need an intervention

at last, the lake

TWO more packages arrived by UPS today. More Spookytown stuff.

BUT…the lake is finally finished! After about 42 changes to the whole idea, after ripping out three previous lakes, we finally got it the way we want it.

The rest of this thing is coming along spectacularly. I can’t wait until it’s all done and you get to see a movie of it all lit up and making noises and stuff!

So we finished the lake AND we got a ZOMBIE CAFE! And a ghostly hotel! And Death and zombies and banshees. OH MY!

All the pics are here
. GO! Look at them! Leave comments on them and pretend like you don’t think we are weirdos who need help!

Is there some kind of support group for this thing?

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invisible blogging

Things I would have written about this week if my brain wasn’t rendered useless by mucous and various cough and cold remedies:
1. Oscar de la Hoya in a tutu
2. Bill O’Reilly being a tool
3. People who dress their dogs in clothing
4. Those damn house parties where you have to buy something and play a stupid game and pretend that you like everyone there enough to make chit chat with them and how hard it is to get through these things when you don’t drink
5. What is the big deal with Hannah Montana and why is my 17 yr old daughter paying 70 dollars to go see her?
6. Why I’ll never get an Xbox (aka My disdain for people who take sports video games too seriously, aka there was never a better sports game than NHL ’94 for sega)
7. Building a MAME cabinet and what games should go in it
8. My discovery that listening to Jimi Hendrix on headphones at work makes everything seem ok.
Feel free to pretend I actually wrote about these things and respond accordingly to whatever items suit you.

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