Posted in Uncategorized, tagged candy, halloween on October 19, 2007 |
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It’s almost Halloween and my thoughts turn to candy. I don’t eat a whole lot of candy, but something about this time of year makes my cravings for chocolately goodness kick in. It’s too bad my kids don’t go trick or treating anymore. I used to steal the good stuff out of their bag. Leave them with the crap like pennies and MaryJanes and McDonald’s coupons. Hey, I’m just trying to save on dental bills!
So what do you look for in the bag? What’s your all time, absolute favorite candy? Mine:
Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
See, I’m not a huge chocolate fan. I like it, but not enough to eat a whole bar of just chocolate. I need to have it mixed with something. It’s like drinking. Rum is ok, but I wouldn’t drink it straight. It needs a mixer. It needs Coke. So I think of peanut butter as chocolate’s mixer.
Damn, I love me some peanut butter. I’ll eat it right out of the jar with a spoon. Sometimes I forego the spoon entirely and just stick my finger in the jar and grab a scoop of peanut butter. Lick it right off my finger. Yes, that’s me in the picture. Good stuff. Now take that peanut butter and wrap it in chocolate and you have a gift from god that should be holier than communion wafers. I believe it’s a gift from god for one reason. It cures PMS. The saltiness of the peanut butter plus the chocolate is better than 40 Midols and an orgasm sometimes. Just biting into one a Reesesm feeling the smoothness of the peanut butter on my tongue, the sweetness of the chocolate in my throat, the tantalizing taste of both of them swirling around my mouth to make the most pleasurable aural experience since my birthday.
On the flipside, there’s always that candy that you come across that makes you want to hold up a cross and a jar of holy water and scream for your priest to come perform an exorcism. Or maybe that’s just me. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that coconut is born of the devil. It is Satan’s plaything.
Evil sidekick to Almond Joy. Purveyor of all that is evil in the world of candy. Harborer of the dreaded coconut flakes. Now, I should tell you – I can eat a real coconut. Right out of the shell. That’s good stuff. But this flaked garbage? No bueno. I don’t know what happens to it between the shell and the cleaver, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with Satan taking a piss on it. Plus, who the hell names their candy Mounds? Because all I can think of is, well…..sex. And I don’t want to confuse sex with coconuts. Although once I wore a coconut bra during a bachelorette party. While singing Sister Christian. But still, that has nothing to do with coconut covered candy.
The anti-christ is coming and he’s chewing on your Mounds.
I probably posted this before, but I’m talking about candy, so why not. My guess the candy collage.
click for bigger.
I’m going to go have some peanut butter cups for dinner.
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