I’ve been going through my old blog writing for two days and I’ve barely scratched the surface. Man, I wrote a lot of crap. But I have been able to pull aside a few things so far that I like enough to repost here – maybe, updated, edited and erased of all the drunken grammatical errors.
originally posted: 2002 (has been updated/refreshed)
Things I Have Learned
- There are two kinds of people: those who will tell you to make lemonade out of life’s lemons, and those who know you hate lemonade.
- life will never ever imitate your favorite tv show
- having one good friend is always better than having 20 so-so acquaintances
- no matter how many drugs you are given, childbirth will still hurt like a bastard
- special edition of anything is usually not very special
- xyzzy
- a band’s third cd is usually the worst
- don’t fall asleep with the history channel on
- there is no such thing as a permanent record
- things like “heartache” and “lump in the throat” are not just sayings, they are real physical inflictions.
- your parents were right. so was yoda.
- never trust a guy who says “there is nothing in this joint besides pot”
- never apologize for being who you are. unless you are a serial killer.
- if you want to be the kind of person that spreads gossip, be prepared to be the kind of person who is the subject of gossip
- don’t go in the basement when there is a homicidal maniac on the loose
- lower your expectations, and you are never disappointed
- you get what you tolerate
- unconditional love is a gift. never take it for granted
- the rock stars you idolized when growing up will eventually become old and bitter and you will be embarrassed to tell anyone that you once wrote them a fan letter and sealed it with a kiss
- stuffed animals do not come alive after you are asleep
- sometimes it’s ok to be selfish
- if you have doubt about something, trust your feelings
- there is no shame in buying guide books for video games
- people only change if they want to, not because you want them to
- don’t sweat the small stuff
- it’s all small stuff
What you have learned?
The Brits have a good rule of thumb:
Don’t wipe your ass with a broken plate.
I’ve learned I miss our daily chats… Your writing never fails to amaze me through thè years.
The ones who really care will text you back when you text them that you’re sitting in the emergency room waiting for stitches.
The ones who really care will text you back when you text them that you’re sitting in the emergency room waiting for stitches.
“No matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.” Don’t remember where I read that one, but time and time again, I’ve learned it’s true. Also, life is too short to have shitty friends. That one, I learned from experience.
“No matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.” Don’t remember where I read that one, but time and time again, I’ve learned it’s true. Also, life is too short to have shitty friends. That one, I learned from experience.
To care about what other people think of me about as long as I think about them, which is usually seconds. In other words, don’t give a sh%t about what other people think
Great list. May I suggest:
“When negotiating, never ask for something unreasonable.”
“Everything is a negotiation.”
and
“It’s important to let people know what you stand for, but it’s more import to let them know what you won’t stand for.”
xyzzy
What have I learned? Well, while we’re on the subject: plugh.
“Congratulations. You just killed a fierce green dragon with your bare hands. Amazing, isn’t it?”
And thanks for reposting some of your old stuff. I enjoy it as much now as I did the first time.
well, there’s the 3rd kind of person who tells you what to do when life hands you lemons.
Those who tell you to run up to your enemies and squirt them in the eyes.